As promised, here is your list of all my current wisdom. Enjoy! Be enlightened!
And these were done by a professional stunt person, don't try them at home!

• Make the monkey sing and win a prize.
• Correct grammar is excellent when used. Please note the anger and evil tone when you say 'Too much trees' and 'Too many light'.
• If the pixie's feet light up, it means she likes you.
• Always take time to play a game of Smack the Stick.
• Stay away from men weilding rapier-umbrellas.
• If your train of thought derails, chances are the solid gold hobo had something to do with it.
• The twiddling of thumbs is a deceptively difficult pasttime.
• One's war cry always sounds its best when one is sitting in the safety of one's own home.
• Objects in mirror are closer than they appear.
• Life is very much like merging onto the freeway. You need to move ahead of people to get to your destination, and some people may move in front of you. Always show some indication that you need to move, and you have to be slightly pushy. And, when all else fails, cut somebody off.
• Listening to loud, angry, quick-paced, heart-pounding trash metal music while driving really really fast is a great stress reliever.
• When in doubt, consult the walls.
• Paper cuts are not funny and should be dealt with as seriously as nuclear weapons.
• Acne breakouts will always occur when you are going to go out with someone you really like, going to take and be in pictures, have a job interview, or generally need look your best.
• You better watch out, you better not cry, you better not shout, I'm telling you why: Elmo knows where you live.
• One can never have too many pairs of shoes. If ever you need to throw a shoe at someone in self defense, you can count on having hundreds more to greet you back at home.
• The writing utensils will always hide as soon as the person on the other side of the phone gives you important information.
• The OS seems to know when you've been working the hardest on a project. It will take any opportunity to crash while or just before saving.
• The best way to face your fears are to confess them, move toward them, confront them, take out a pistol and eliminate them.
• The greatest philosophers in the world are stuffed animals. They also hold the record for greatest psychiatrists and most abused family members.
• The best weapon for you is whatever you can do the most damage with.

There you are. Don't spend it all in one place, now.